First Southern Open Mic!

Editor's Note: This entry was originally written on Oct 2, 2009. Stay tuned for more of Roman's lost entries!

Ideally I would finish the hitchhiking story or go back and talk about Texas or Arkansas (oh man we have a while to go).

But just a few notes about tonight.

I performed at an open mic I’d heard about from a new friend in Little Rock. The place was only a few blocks form our hostel which is great since we don’t have a car and Memphis isn’t the safest city to get around in.  At its peak I would say there were about 25 people in there.

I don’t know how long my set was, doesn’t feel like more than 4-5 minutes, we’ll see… but there reached a point where the whole room was silent and people were looking at me. and I was like, whoa!  These people I don’t know are all fucking listening to me!  I better say something good!

And I was totally open about everything, which I guess I’d been planning on for a while.  And it was fine.  Maybe it took a while to sink in, but there I said it, that I transitioned (which I’m sure feels like old news) and that I don’t identify as one gender or the other.  And that was… ok. And people shook my hand afterward and thanked me.   I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t feel safe, but there was this tension beforehand and I wondered if some people might be hostile. But you can be yourself and honest even in a situation where you feel like you might not be accepted.

And I led in with my feelings about togetherness and open mics and I talked about survival and tried to make it as universal as possible, how I believe everyone has something to say and share with the world.

Open mics, man.  They are churches of sorts.  I ended up hanging out a bit after, met some cool guys, who smoked us up, had some good chats about how fucking ridiculous the world is and we feel like we don’t fit in.  It was like New York in that respect. 

I love open mics and I feel I can trust people who are drawn to this setting, because those who feel the need to perform---(whether it be poetry, or music, spoken word, comedy, etc etc) I feel like (and this is my opinion) that people do it because they want to be heard. With everything we are given to watch and see and read there is something else that WE need to say that we’re not hearing.  And if you go to an open mic (or do a show) you’re getting on stage and you’re telling your truth and seeking approval. Because usually it’d be too
frightening to do that in waking life.

And that’s pretty awesome.  Because anyone who can bear their soul and wants to say something NEW means they are thinking outside the box, they are creating new ideas. And anyone who has new ideas a) is ok in my book and b) is a friend of mine because they are also tired of this “fake” world we assume we have to adhere to/obey.

Congregations

Editors Note: This was originally written on September 28th but due to a mixup in our blogging process, was never posted. Stay tuned for more of Roman's lost posts! 

If i was a better person I’d stay in little rock and open up an improv theater.

Rent is cheap and there is never any traffic. But as this is not enough to keep me here i’ll leave it as an open invitation to anyone who is up for it.  There’s a troupe here but they are not currently performing.

I get the sense that people are looking for more things to do, maybe other ways to connect. or maybe it could just be another outlet for those who usually spend their time being overtly sexual with strangers. Being overtly sexual with scene partners is somehow easier to take because we can pretend it’s not real.

I’m excited about going to Memphis as i was just told there was a really good thursday night open mic there. I’m getting a bit antsy as I haven’t “performed” for a while. I spoke for a few minutes at a GSA at SMU, but it’s not quite the same although there are similar attributes to having a bunch of people listen to you and wanting to get a message across.

What I have come to realize are the similarities between churches and theaters. At some theaters (or the ones where I hang out/perform) there is a variety of people who get up on stage and at the churches, while there might not be as many people getting up, there have been a few different voices speaking. and everyone who is part of this shared space, and there is a common goal.

I’m not religious and admittedly I was standoffish at first, but it’s been getting easier to be in these settings. One could very well call the magnet, under St. Marks and Bowery (where I spend most of my time in New York) as churches of sorts, just as churches could be seen as theaters. I could see where this might be offensive to people on both sides, but below the surface: people gather at these places at the same time, to connect, to see friends, to be heard, to be inspired.

At the very root i feel like there is a similarity.

It’d be easy to find the differences, but especially with the last church we were at, I felt so much love. which is the main reason I hang out at the theaters back home. Micah and I were greeted with so much kindness, hugs and people wanted to connect with us. Finding love in a completely new (unexpected) place makes the world feel a lot more warm. Especially in places where I assumed I would feel like I wouldn’t belong and/or be accepted.

I still miss getting on stage though. and it could be my ego, it could just be that I’m far more quiet offstage than on. I do want to be heard, but i just want to make sure people are listening.

Atlanta and Columbia

Our friend Steve drove us the three to Atlanta from Birmingham after his evening shift at work. We arrived at about 2 am (after which Steve had to turn around and drive back - what a good friend!) at Carly's apartment. Carly and Roman went to college together, and it was great to see them reconnect. All of the folks we had stayed with and hung out with up until that point were people I knew one way or the other.

We settled in, and on Tuesday, we went out for lunch with Paulina from Southerners On New Ground (SONG), an organization now based in Atlanta that works to build, connect, and sustain folks in the South who believe in liberation across all lines of race, class, culture, gender and sexuality. I have to admit, after hearing so many good things from so many people about SONG's work, I was a little starstruck at first, but once I got over my initial nerves, the conversation started flowing.

Paulina told us more about the history of SONG, we shared our plans for Sanctuary Collective, and then we got in a thought-provoking discussion about the most productive way to approach trainings and conversations around the way oppression operates and intersects with other forms of oppression within our culture. In the end, she offered to share some of the curriculum materials that SONG uses in their trainings, which I am really excited to see and digest.

After lunch, Kathy Stayton came to pick us up. She and I both attended the same church outside of Philadelphia during the 5 years I lived there, and it was so great to see her again and reconnect. Kathy is also on the council of the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists, and continues to work with them from her new location in Atlanta.

Kathy drove us to OutWrite, an LGBTQ bookstore and coffeeshop, where we browsed and talked with the staff for a while, leaving some bookmarks behind. Our next stop was the YouthPride Center - the nation's only community center devoted entirely to the wellbeing and empowerment of LGBTQ youth.

We met Paul, who gave us a tour of the center, explaining the programming along the way. I was impressed by the free mental health services they offer to youth AND their families, as well as their devotion to developing programs and resources geared toward young trans folks. They seemed to have a good ballance of structured programming and unstructured time to just hang out. The colors for the walls were chosen by the youth themselves (they were bright and welcoming), and they have an air hockey table, as well as a huge TV with a Nintendo Wii with big comfy chairs and couches set up in their lounge. For once, I wanted to be the age that people usually assume I am (around 19), so I would be able to come to Atlanta and hang out there!

After leaving some bookmarks there as well, we went back to Kathy's house, where we had dinner with Kathy, her husband Bill, Carly (our host), and Max, who is a grad student in Morehouse's Sexual Health program. Max is also on the board of Atlanta Pride.

We had delicious food, and some great discussions about everything from faith to where we grew up to the issues that trans folks face socially and politically. I left wishing I had more intergenerational interactions in my daily life. It felt really wonderful to be taken care of and to have the familial atmosphere of eating a home-cooked meal around the table with each other.

When it was time for us to move on to Columbia, Kathy came to pick us up at Carly's, and drove us the three hours northeast. After eating lunch downtown and saying our goodbyes, we settled in at a cafe with wireless internet until it was time for us to meet with Candace from Whosoever - an online magazine for LGBTQ Christians. We met for dinner (I ate a delicious burrito), and then Candace was kind enough to take us to her place to spend the night, where we did an interview for the Whosoever podcast. We'll post that link once it's up on the website, of course!

Our time in Columbia was short, but filled with overwheming generosity and hospitality. After letting us sleep in, Candace drove us up to Charlotte, where a new day and a new adventure awaits us!

Birmingham

Our amazing friends in Mississippi drove us 2/3 of the way to Birmingham to Tuscaloosa, Alabama on Thursday night after class. After saying our sad goodbyes in the Wal-Mart parking lot (and using the restroom inside and encountering some really terribly racist graffiti there), we switched cars and our new friend Steve drove us the rest of the way to Birmingham.

During the car ride, we got to know Steve - he is a former student of Samford University in Birmingham, and I heard so much of my own experience reflected in the stories he shared. He took a long time to come to terms with his own identity, because it wasn't even considered an option to be LGBTQ. This journey has challenged his faith sometimes to the point of unbelief. He's also had really rough patches with his family, but feels like it will all work out one way or the other in the end - and that even if that means the heartbreaking reality of not being accepted by them, he will find the support he needs. And many more areas of overlap that are perhaps too personal or painful to share in such a public way here. It was almost eerie. But it was great to relate in such an intense way with someone who's seemingly just passing through my life. It also reminded me how personal this journey and everything with Sanctuary Collective truly is for me.

Late that night we pulled up to Emily's apartment. She had stayed awake for us, and we stayed up a little while longer reconnecting until we were all just too sleepy to stay awake.

The next morning, Emily let me borrow her car to drive to Samford, where I met with a group of about 10 students and professors. Samford University recently changed their policy from wording that used to be similar to Mississippi College's policy to now prohibiting "sexual misconduct," which is defined as "heterosexual/homosexual intercourse, adultery, unwanted fondling and rape." Concerns about equating consensual sexual activity between consenting adults with unwanted activity aside, this is a HUGE step for a university affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.

Samford is a university that calls their students to abstinence, and to have a policy that clearly treats instances of sexual activity the same way regardless of who the second party might be without feeling the need to single out LGB students vaguely or unfairly is a milestone.

And Samford students feel the difference. The fear to stand out as an ally or as queer may still be there, but it is social rather than institutional. My meeting with them was largely concerned with what actions they could take next to keep the dialogue about LGBTQ identity and the Christian faith moving forward. We ended the meeting with some great ideas and concrete next steps, and I left campus so excited to see what they do next.

On our last day in Birmingham we visited the Civil Rights Institute. This was my second visit - the first being two years ago with a much larger group. It was really meaningful to be able to take a much longer time watching each video and reading through each description with just the three of us who went. It all reminded me that change is possible, but that there is still so far to go and so much work to be done. It also struck me that so many of the people who took the strongest and most public stands for equality in the 1960s were young people too. May we look to those who took a stand before us for civil rights. May we learn from them, and may we continue the work of racial justice while working toward LGBTQ equality and inclusion.

Clinton, MS

On Monday our lovely hosts from Oxford drove us down to Jackson. We hung out at a local coffeeshop until our friend Jonathan could come pick us up in his truck.

Our first night at Mississippi College felt surreal at first - this is another place I've been before when I was on the Equality Ride. So the last time I was here, I was looking at the campus from the property line and could go no further. But now I was free to walk around, to eat in the cafe, to sit in the quad.

But I must confess I found myself looking over my shoulder quite a bit.

And if I felt worried or concerned, I know the queer students and their allies on campus carry that burden in their daily life as well. MC's student handbook states that "sexual impropriety" is not allowed, and suggests that this "includes but is not limited to participation in or appearance of engaging in premarital sex, extramarital sex, or homosexual activities." This really leaves one wondering what exactly a homosexual activity could be defined as by the administration.

Would I be in trouble for holding hands with someone of the same gender? For coming out to my roommate? For having a rainbow bumper sticker on my car? For simply questioning the policy as an ally?

And what would the consequences be? Would I pay a fine? Be assigned community service? Lose my scholarship? Get kicked out?

The ambiguity of this and similar policies creates an atmosphere of fear. Not having any of this defined means that students must assume they could be disciplined for anything having to do with queer identity or issues, and that the consequences could be severe. Which is the risk MC students must decide whether they are willing to take any time they engage in a conversation with someone about these things. In fact, there's even a new addition to the handbook this year that requires all flyers posted on campus to receive a literal stamp of approval by the administration after the underground Gay Straight Alliance posted flyers last spring.

In spite of all of this, however, we had some great conversations with students who are ready to take a calculated stand with our help.

Late Tuesday night, some of those students joined us as we chalked messages all over campus - taking the acronym LGBT and adding our own twist with words like "Loving Giving Believing Trusting" and then including the Sanctuary Collective website url underneath. We figured this would get the attention of anyone who knew what the acronym usually stood for, while being ambiguous enough to not raise the alarm to folks who aren't in the know. On the front page of our website here, we posted a time and place to meet off campus on Wednesday evening.

Once Wednesday rolled around, we met at Cliff Johnson's house - a lawyer and MC alum who opens his home for a safe place for MC students to meet. Students and supporters from the Jackson area joined us as we talked about how Sanctuary Collective might be able to support their efforts, and how the local organizations might also be able to lend a hand. I know I left the meeting energized and excited to see what happens next at MC, and I think the others who were there were feeling that too.

I really can't wait until we have our first class for our Discipleship Program, and I certainly hope to see some applications from Mississippi College students! Let's do this, friends.