I believe that more than anything this story is about witness. It is a story about what these men witnessed in their encounter with Jesus and how this act changed their lives. You see, this act of healing was not great simply because of its greatness. It was great because of its life changing power. The men didn’t simply observe a great act they were transformed by it.

A New Way of Seeing by Aaron Lauer

How to talk to others about loving me

One of the easiest and most important ways you can advocate for yourself and for others is by simply having conversations. After I (Brian) came to terms with the fact that I wasn't heterosexual like many of my peers, I knew that at some point, I would need to tell others in my life. The more I grew to love myself—my whole self—the more I wanted my friends and family to be able to love me as well. As I was living honestly, my relationships in all areas begin to improve. To be sure, there were tough times with friends and family alike. It took time and energy to think through conversations I would have with friends, family, and pastors.

Not only was this process beneficial to me, but as I continued to share my life with others, I began to encounter people who let me know that my honesty was one of the things that had empowered them to begin their own personal journey to reconciling their faith and identity.

In this section, you'll find resources to help you prepare to invite others to love you as an LGBTQ person or to love your LGBTQ friends. We'll include prayers, sermons, reflections, practical tips, and personal narratives of folks who have gone before you. As always, you can contact us if you need more personal support.

Why is this important?

Whether you identify as LGBTQ, are unsure of your identity, or are an ally, your personal story is a powerful asset. A personal connection can be the transformational moment in a person's journey toward accepting LGBTQ lives, experiences, and identities. Personal stories remind us all that these are not abstract academic theories but the lived realities of countless people around the world. We believe in the intrinsic worth of LGBTQ people and believe that God loves and affirms LGBTQ people just as they are, without reservation. Thus, truth is on our side so all that we must do is show up and speak truth with love. Coming out was a scary experience for me (Brian), but in the five years since, I have seen tremendous changes in not only those around me, but also in myself.

Who do you tell? Friends, roommates, and parents are all people you may want to talk with about the intersection of faith and LGBTQ identity. You may also feel brave enough to share your perspective with a Bible study, Resident Advisor, pastor, professor or administrator. You can have one-on-one conversations or broach the subject in group conversations.

Preparing yourself

Nonviolence Something that we've found helpful in approaching really difficult conversations is to remember the basic tenants of nonviolence. Nonviolence does not mean being non-confrontational. It means seeking understanding and reconciliation with people who come from a different perspective - recognizing the humanity and worth in that other person, and staying present in the conversation so you can reflect back to them when their beliefs and words and actions actually translate into more harm than good

For information about the history and application of nonviolence, take a look at this resource from a website about Mahatma Gandhi.
For more information about the process of nonviolence, check out Soulforce's 4 Step Journey.

Prayers Prayer is powerful. We pray not only that others may see Christ in us and love us fully, but also that we will have the strength to face difficult conversations with truth, love, and grace; and the faith to trust in the Spirit's movements through those interactions. We also have a prayer team of folks around the country who care about you - even if they don't know you yet. They are dedicated to prayer for LGBTQ young adults around the country as they take brave (and sometimes scary) steps.

Let our prayer team know how they can support you
Read prayers that others have sent in
Share a prayer that has been helpful for you in this process

How do I share my story?

Fortunately, as difficult as this process can be, you're not the first to go through it! Here are some examples of conversations folks have had, some stories from other people, and some ideas on how to get your conversation started.

Here's a record of Micah's ongoing email communication with his mom about his gender identity and transition process. We share this conversation with you with his mom's consent, in the hope that it can model what a grace and love filled conversation looks like, even when it is difficult or painful.
(Not so) straight from seminary is a blog that chronicles the stories of two not-so-straight students at a very-straight seminary & divinity school, respectively.
Peterson Toscano travels the world telling people about his experiences wrestling with his faith and identity.
Check out some stories and personal experiences people have shared with us.
It might help you to write out your story first too - if you do this and would like to share it, others who stop by the site are sure to find it helpful!
Here are some suggestions from Brian on how to get your conversation started.

But what if...?

What if I try to talk to others about how they can love and support me or LGBTQ folks in our community and they do not react kindly? We know that this can be tough and risky - if it were easy, we wouldn't need Sanctuary Collective! However, in this process you may also find wonderful allies in surprising places, learn more about yourself, unearth nuances in your relationships, and grow closer to God.

Sometimes it's also helpful to have materials you can give to your friends and families. It gives them more to think about, something to go through at their own pace, a broader range of experiences and perspectives, and it takes a little pressure of you. Here are our suggestions for folks who are just beginning this journey.

And again, as always, if you would like to talk to someone in more depth about your situation, contact Sanctuary Collective and we'll work with you to assess the risks and support you in your decisions.