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Queer Mormon Community

Sam Wolfe

“I think the queer sensibility is what is going to help save contemporary American religion...That people who are so-called the outsiders are really full of the deepest truths that society is desperately in need of. And I think this is a great gift that we have to offer.” 
       --Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum

A benefit of being an “outsider” of my birth religion is freedom to unreservedly participate in other spiritual expressions. Of particular interest is exploring various fronts of the bustling queer spiritual movement. One of the most vibrant of those is within Judaism. Last weekend, despite my uncircumcision, I wore a kippah and attended my first shabbaton. The queer Jewish community (QJC) has traveled further down the road of acceptance within Judaism than we have within Mormonism; I gained several impressions from the shabbaton that may help inform the ongoing evolution of our queer Mormon community (QMC). 

I was most impressed with the spiritual vibrancy of the group. While allowing for a variety of spiritual expressions, the shabbat spirit was very strong. Highlights for me included a tisch (party) in which we shared drinks, sweets, and lively Hebrew singing. Even more, I enjoyed my daily mishpacha (family) group. Mishpacha meetings allowed each member to share feelings and insights in a confidential and supportive setting. The others quietly listened without judgment or advice. Having bonded during the first two sessions, at the final meeting, each mishpacha formed a blessing circle wherein each member could step into the sacred space and name a desired blessing. The others placed their hands on the recipient's body or head and voiced blessings. Giving and receiving blessing in that sacred queer space was wonderful and profound. 

That experience and countless others manifest our potent spiritual gifts that by virtue of our love and good intent render us fully “worthy” to share. For too long, some have promoted a false dilemma between accepting our queerness or maintaining “worthiness” as observing Mormons. Instead, more and more, affirming queer individuals and communities have realized that our relationships and queer identities are wholly compatible with spiritual fulfillment. The Source of spiritual blessings, superior to any non-discrimination policy, withholds none on the basis of sexual orientation or gender expression. 

Our efforts to create safe space should include creating safe sacred space. For those of us who are spiritually inclined, we need spiritual community that honors us as queer individuals and celebrates our diversity. If our spiritual needs are not being deeply satisfied within our current communities, we should create that space there or perhaps a new community to reach closer to the mark. Such a community may number three or hundreds. Safe sacred space takes a variety of forms and may be as simple as sharing bread and water among friends with an opportunity to listen and share. It may simply mean taking time to discover what's really going on with each other and listen. 

A primary mission of the QJC in recent decades, as with the QMC, is to transform our broader religious communities that too often have rejected and abused us. In another shabbaton segment, Rabbi Kleinbaum, a lesbian and pioneer leader of the QJC, emphasized that perhaps the most powerful method of transforming our broader communities is to engage through sharing our personal stories, our gifts, and our love. 

Although post-denominational, every time I return to a Mormon congregation I have a positive experience. Too many Mormons still do not realize that they know any queer Mormons or wrongly believe that “queer Mormon” is an oxymoron. As those of us so moved participate and act as though the Church has evolved to greater understanding and acceptance of its queer members, the Church moves closer to the fundamental tenets it professes. 

Some of us are not inclined to return, and that's understandable. We are free to choose and build communities from which we draw meaning and strength and through which we may serve and love. The shabbaton increased my appreciation of the value of queer community building. Doing so is at the heart and is the strength of queer activism and so many other fruits of the Spirit. My hope is that we continue to develop our spiritual communities, including the QMC, in ways that create safe sacred space within which to heal, rejuvinate, and find joy -- as well as advance in our mission of transforming broader communities to maintain fewer senseless borders that exclude. 

Yours in community, 
Sam Wolfe